Personal Reflections

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The Art of Setting Limits, Part Two

As we discussed yesterday, setting limits is a specific alternative to punishment and threats.  Giving a child limits is a MentalToughnesspowerful tool in the parental (and educator) toolbox for providing positive discipline for a child.  In fact, children crave routines and knowing their limits on behaviors; both help them feel safe.

Here’s five-step approach we use in classrooms to set limits with our learners in order to increase effectiveness for everyone:

Explain which behavior is inappropriate.  Simply saying “stop that” may not be enough.  The child may not know if you are objecting to how loudly he is talking or objecting to the language he is using.  Be specific in your directive.

Explain why the behavior is inappropriate.  Never assume the child knows why the behavior is not acceptable.  Is she disturbing others?  Being disrespectful?  Not doing a task you asked of her?  Again, be specific.

Give reasonable choices with natural consequences.  Instead of using the ultimatum (“do this or else”), tell your child what the choices are and what the consequences of those choices will be.  Ultimatums lead to power struggles because you are forcing one thing.  Providing choices with consequences does not force your decision, but the child’s personal choice.  Likewise, consequences that logically follow from your child’s actions usually work best as a teaching tool.  Example:  In an angry moment, the child chooses to break something.  A logical consequence would be for the child to clean up the mess and pay for the item out of her allowance.

Allow wait time.  It’s usually best to allow a few moments (not too many) for the child to make the decision.  In upsetting moments, it is critical to remember the child is not thinking clearly (and neither are you, most likely).  It may take a few moments for everything to process before a choice is made.

Be prepared to enforce your consequences, even when they are inconvenient.  Setting a limit is completely meaningless if you do not consistently and persistently enforce the consequences you set with the choice.  For example, if your consequence is no TV or social media for a month, be ready enforce it the entire month–no exceptions!  Never back yourself into a corner; set reasonable enforceable consequences and stick to them!

Limits are powerful teaching tools to modeling appropriate behaviors.  It’s really not about who’s the boss; it’s about modeling respect, giving guidance, and ensuring an overall feeling of safety and security in a nurturing, calm manner.  You are your child’s first and most important teacher; practice these techniques and never give up hope!  As I remind parents daily, the days of raising our children are long, but the years are far too short…  🙂

We look forward to The POWER of Miller tomorrow! 

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The Art of Setting Limits, Part One

It’s true; we bring this precious life into the world to nurture, love, grow, and shape into an upstanding citizen and leader of the next generation.  No one bothers to remind you (as you leave for home that first time) there is no instruction or direction manual for this precious child.  AchievementWordleAs my dear daddy quips, “You need a license to drive, hunt, fish, get married, or any other number of things in life, but anyone can be a parent.”  🙂

During a recent parent conference, I was reminded of the fine art of setting limits with a child, especially one who is, shall we say, a unique challenge.  When we, as parents (or educators), are faced with undesirable behavior from our child, we have to make the decision about how to respond to the behavior.  It is easy to be emotional in these moments, but logic should control our response every time.

Likewise, it is much easier to punish than to think of logical consequences connected to the child’s behavior (I call these natural consequences).  Punishment works in the short term because it usually stops the unwanted behavior.  In the long run, though, punishment does nothing to solve the original problem and can lead to resentment and retaliation (especially in the teen years)—much more difficult to manage it then!

Did you know the actual word discipline comes from a Latin word meaning “to teach” or “to lead?”  (See, Mr. Van…I learned so much in Italy this past summer!).  🙂  When you discipline the child, you are setting limits as an alternative to threats or punishment.  Limits are powerful tools for parents and teachers to use and setting limits is an art indeed:

Setting a limit is not the same as issuing an ultimatum.  Limits are not threats; they offer choices with consequences.  “If you clean up your room, you can go outside with your friends.  If you don’t clean up your room, you will not go outside with your friends.  It’s your choice.” 

The purpose of limits is to teach, not to punish.  With limits, a child begins to understand personal actions, positive and negative results, and natural consequences.  Giving a child choices and consequences provides a structure for good decision-making later in life.

Setting limits is more about listening than talking.  Take time to actively listen to your child to better understand thoughts and feelings.  You learn more this way and it helps you set more meaningful limits in the future.

In tomorrow’s blog, I will offer five steps to setting limits.  In the meantime, remember to give choices and consequences—no one said the choices had to be likable…that’s part of the art of setting limits!  🙂

Note:  Hans and Franz really PUMPED US UP today and will do so again tomorrow.  The POWER of Miller is this Thursday, September 26th! 

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Know and Go…all hands on deck!

Just in case you missed the memos, emails, texts, folders, mass-blasts, and old-fashioned notes home, it’s a busy week for us herehelping-hands as we gear up for the following festive activities:

The POWER of Miller is this Thursday, September 26th all day (during specials time)!  Learners and classroom leaders will work through and complete ten activity stations to raise awareness and money for our school and chosen charities.  This is our one campus-wide FUNdraiser for the year and your support is needed!  We will celebrate our success next Friday, Oct. 4th.  All monies are due back by Wed; Oct. 2nd.

MISD Homecoming is this Friday, September 27th.  Elementary students release from school @ 12:45 p.m., therefore, we are on a short specials and lunch schedule for the day.  The community parade starts @ 3:00 p.m. and the big game begins at 7:30 at the stadium.  Come out and support our team by showing your Panther pride and spirit!

Digital Citizenship Week is all next week with special activities planned in classrooms to include copyright and fair use, digital etiquette, safety, cyberbullying, and our digital footprint.

PTO Family Sock Hop and Classic Car Show is next Friday, October 4th from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m.  This is our traditional Back-to-School family event.  You are encouraged to wear 50s attire, enJOY an ice cream float, and dance the night away with friends and family!

These are important items to know and go.  All hand’s on deck now; here’s hoping you choose to be part of the excitement too!

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Angel wings…

Full moon…allergy season…buckets of much-needed rain…indoor recess…football Friday on the cusp of the Autumnal Equinox…need we say more?!  🙂  It was a busy day filled with rally, Hans and Franz The POWER of Miller reminders (Do YOU have Miller POWER?!), older learners believe2assisting little learners, Panther football readers, and the announcement of our Yearbook and Student Honor Council staffs (more on these two groups in later blogs).  In the midst of the hustle and bustle, several friends stopped by to read poems or journal entries to me throughout the day (I enJOY this opportunity whenever I can grab it!).  One particular writer shared a personal story spiraling from a literature group discussion in class this week.  This young writer reflected on losing a sibling at a young age…”she’s my personal angel now and lightly flies around all day long looking after me…” (talk about profound, emotional statements).  This child’s message to take each day for the gift it is, to “lighten up” with others, and to show those random acts of kindness and compassion daily goes well beyond eight years of life so far.

I remember being told as a child, “The reason angels can fly is they take themselves so lightly.”  Here’s hoping we heed the lesson and all learn to take ourselves a little more lightly…and maybe we will earn those angel wings after all!  🙂

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A special tour…

IMG_3230The elementary princiPALs were treated this afternoon to a special tour of the new Midlothian Heritage High School by princiPAL, Krista Tipton.  This impressive learning environment of creative spaces and educational places for 21st century learners IMG_3233and leaders will open in August 2014.  Filled with innovative state-of-the-art features, the new school invites students from the moment you step inside the building.  Most impressive, though, is the extensive knowledge and obvious passion Mrs. Tipton conveys as she shares the planning and construction story of MHHS.

Heritage literally means “given or handed down from the past.”  It’s exciting to see strong MISD traditions being honored and cherished in a beautiful new educational setting.  Congratulations, Mrs. Tipton!

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Safety First!

Learners and classroom leaders alike deserve a safe, safetypiccaring learning environment; it is critical to personal excellence and success daily.  Likewise, good communication and collaboration build trust in our learning community.  As expected, throughout the year our school will be involved in ongoing crisis response drills and training.  We practice three important responses:

  • Evacuation:  Probably known to you and me as a fire drill, everyone is evacuated from the building to an on-site area or off-site area for direction.  We practice these drills monthly and work each time to safely increase our speed of exit.
  • Shelter-in-Place:  Similar to a “soft” lockdown, everyone comes inside (including anyone in our car lines).  We bring upstairs classrooms to downstairs classrooms to stay-put inside the building until danger has passed.
  • Lockdown:  Everyone locks into their areas; immediate hallway/bathroom areas are swept.  No one goes in or out of our building until directed by law enforcement.

All three drills are rehearsed and various scenarios presented at times to help students and staff members become stronger problem solvers in response to a crisis.  While we never do any procedure to purposely scare a child, practicing each response is critical to the overall success of facing a real emergency situation should the need arise.  Should you have questions or concerns, never hesitate to contact our school office or me for specific assistance.  As my friends reminded me today, “safety always comes first, Mrs. Van!”

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Calling all DADs…

There are multiple opportunities to volunteer, mentor, and participate in our learning community daily…being involved is a special part of the LME family experience after all!  One unique daily volunteerwordleopportunity involves our DADs (Dads Assisting Daily) during morning arrival.  If you can smile, shake hands, give high-fives, share positive words of morning encouragement, and help others get their school day going, then we need you!  Come by any morning about 7:15, get your badge from the front office, and join the safety patrol and staff members on duty until 7:45 a.m. to meet and greet our learning community.  We run two drop-off lines each morning for convenience and we need you!  Special thanks to Dale McCaskill who started this great program three years ago (even though the boys have moved on, come by to join us or drive thru and sing to us anytime).  Thanks to our new SRO, Officer Ray Hall, for assisting each week as your schedule allows too.

Just like our enrollment, we look forward to growing this program even more in the year ahead!

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Teamwork and Dreamwork

There is a little friend I’ve “adopted” this year (really, this child has adopted me).  From the first day, first moment of introduction, a connection was formed:

  • Teacher:  …and this is Mrs. Van; she’s the boss of our school.
  • Child:  Why do you want that job?
  • Me:  I’ve been asking myself that question for years…

It’s been “on” ever since that first encounter.  This child seeks me out daily to interact, comment, and share a special observation or two along the way.  Take this conversation:

  • Child:  (Getting out of the car to walk with me) I need to eat breakfast today.
  • Me:  Wonderful, because here we are!
  • Child:  This is the lunchroom, NOT the breakfast room.  Where is the breakfast room, boss of the school?

Or how about this observation:

  • Child:  I need Monday off for ‘labors’ (Labor Day)
  • Me:  Well, you will have Monday off in fact!
  • Child:  I guess you are smart enough to be the boss of the school ’cause we need rest from all this school work we have to do the first week.

After another weekend, this was our morning encounter:

  • Child:  So boss, I went fishin’ this past weekend.
  • Me:  I enJOY fishing!  Did you catch anything for supper?
  • Child:  No, it’s called fishin’ and not catchin’…we ate hamburgers instead.

Then, there’s one of my favorites I overheard during lunch last week:

  • Another child to my little friend:  How do you know she’s the Boss of the school anyway?
  • My friend:  Do you not listen to her at rally and on the mornin’ ‘nouncements everyday?  ‘Cause she just is and ’cause she carries keys and open doors and serves breakfast in the lunch room and helps children and teachers and ’cause everybody says so…
  • Other child:  Well, who made her that?
  • My friend:  Well, God of course ’cause she’s got a direct line.  (Don’t I hope?!)  🙂

teamworkToday, while walking through the classroom of this friend, the child asked to speak “private” with me.  🙂  We decided to go for a little walk and run a couple of errands together in the school.  During our walk, we stopped in the lounge to fill my glass with ice and the child noticed the staff board with pictures:

  • Child:  So all these people work with you, Boss, to make our school work.
  • Me:  That’s right!  It takes all of us working together as a team to help you reach your dream everyday.
  • Child:  Well, Mrs. Miller must’ve had a dream to build this school ’cause we sure work as a team here at Miller everyday and nobody wants to cross you or her, Boss.

It does take the entire team working together to make dreams come true for our learners.  Just like my little friend, I believe in the POWER of LME and in the POWER of Mrs. Miller’s “dream” too!  Dream on, Team Miller!  🙂

Note:  …and for those of you curious to know, this child knows my real name but prefers to call me “Boss of the School…out of respect.”  🙂  I love my job! 

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The POWER of LME!

It probably goes without saying that two heads are always better than one…especially when our own Miller Power Team (Hans and Franz) are involved.  These guys made a special appearance this morning during Rally to “pump us up” about the The Power of Miller, our campus-wide FUNdraiser for this school year.  Because we believe in the POWER of our learners, their classroom leaders, and our learning community, we believe we can impact our own lives and the lives of those around us in a POWERful way this year.

In place of previous programs and companies, we are completely doing our own idea this year and we need your support!  Please watch for The POWER of Miller family packet coming home today.  In this packet, you will find:

  • Letter about the event on 9/26/2013 (white copy);
  • POWER of Miller Family Charity Voting Ballot (1/2 blue sheet);
  • POWER of Miller Reservation and Celebration Permission Form (bright orange dual form);
  • POWER of Miller Scorecard (white cardstock form for collecting sponsors).

You will send back everything to your child’s homeroom teacher except the letter explaining our event by Sept. 25th.  Please let us know if you have questions too.

It is our sincere hope and desire to always emPOWER our learners and their families to succeed everyday.  We greatly anticipate your support and encouragement as we truly discover The POWER of LaRue Miller specials teamElementary!

Note:  Special thanks to our dynamic Specials Team who took on this huge project; thanks, Hans and Franz…we’ll be seeing you again soon!  🙂

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Volunteers are vital!

volunteers1You may have heard the saying, “Volunteers don’t get paid because they’re worthless but because they’re priceless.”  We are so blessed at LME to have the hardest working volunteers in our growing learning community everyday!  Just today, these ladies answered the call to assist with our upcoming LME “The POWER of Miller” fundraiser kick-off by preparing family packets to go home tomorrow (more on this tomorrow).  Conversation, laughter, and great work ensued; they had the job completed in no time and asked for more!  🙂  volunteers2Special thanks today goes to Jennifer Davis, Rachel Hedgcoth, Brandy Ricketts, Sherry Emerson, Cathy Jackson, Jennifer Campbell, Amy Hubbard, and Sarah Johnson.  Mrs. Huff says, “You ROCK!”  🙂

Tonight, we had several of our Head Start families participate in their first family meeting of the school year.  Thanks to two of our HS moms for volunteering to represent our campus and program on the Region 10 District Policy Council tonight too!

As our own Mrs. Miller always says, “The goal is simple…to help you achieve yours.”  We are truly grateful to our vital volunteers who help us achieve all our goals everyday!

Note:  We need our D.A.D.S. to answer the call and help us out each morning!  Please join us in the car lines to greet and assist our learners coming into the building each day.