This is the next blog in a series from the book Organizing the Disorganized Child by Martin L. Kutscher and Marcella Moran.

So, we established earlier how the brain is at fault when it comes to the child being organized—this should free us from feeling like victims of a “lazy child” or “uncaring teacher.”  We can focus now on working together as learning partners to teach and finesse the child’s brain into organization (and remember, the brain is still developing well into young adulthood).  With society expecting so much more planning from our children today (with outside events like clubs, sports, social media, etc.) and so much sooner (we have 2-year-olds on iPads!), it’s a challenge to fit in academics at all really!

It’s time now to bring up this topic of organization with your child.  I know…easier said than done.  Most likely your child suspects your concern and a calm conversation may do wonders for all involved.  There are some steps to note:

1. Stay calm.  Pick an appropriate time when everyone is calm (not yelling about grades, searching for the homework paper, or other issues) and can have meaningful conversation.  Remind them about the benefits of being organized such as getting homework done faster, less frustration in the house, more free time for other things, etc.
2. Listen to your child–actively listen and ask clarifying questions.  If the child says, “that may work for you,  but it doesn’t work for me,” this is a sign.  Ask the child to explain a strategy to you in her own words and really listen (don’t judge).
3. Stay positive.  The authors note:  “If you really want to bring out your child’s self-motivation–and preserve your relationship with him–you’ll need to keep it positive.  Punishments don’t teach skills.”  Find something to praise; use humor to redirect.  If there’s a punishment to hand out, consider doing it with only a positive attitude in place–make it short and to the point.  Stay focused on the fact this is YOUR child.
4. Supervise the skills.  Many children know what to do but they just can’t do it–this is where supervision takes place.  Remember, the frontal lobes on the brain of your child have trouble carrying out the plan.  Your child needs you to lend your expertise (and frontal lobes) to assist.  Be a safety net and monitor progress while standing in the background.
5. Give it time.  There is no timetable for success.  If you’re frustrated, imagine how your child feels.

It’s a good idea to also know your child’s organizational style…but that’s a topic for our next in the series!  🙂

During a recent parent conference, the following scenario was presented:

I’m not certain she uses her planner in class; in fact, she doesn’t even know where the planner is right now.  I had to bring her back up to school two days ago because she left everything in her desk and nothing was brought home to complete the presentation assignment.  We argued for two hours with me yelling to get the work done and then she forgot to turn in the work for her final grade the next day!  When will this stop?

Sound like something you’ve experienced?  A book study group of us have been reading Organizing the Disorganized Child…Simple Strategies to Succeed in School by Martin L. Kutscher and Marcella Moran.  Quite frankly, this should be essential reading for any parent of a child entering school (personal sidebar there).  The authors quickly reveal the root causes of disorganization and guide you to more constructive solutions and strategies to overcome the situation.  More importantly, they focus on essential organizational styles and offer specific strategies and study skills so children experience the success they deserve.  The bottom line:  the fault lies only with the brain!

Organizational skills come from the frontal lobe of the brain, conveniently located in the front of our head just behind the forehead.  These frontal lobes are responsible for getting things done.  Funny though, our frontal lobes are not actually fully developed until the later teenage years–well beyond the early formative years of school when patterns are established.  The authors note:  “It’s not the child’s fault the brain has not yet fully developed.  He doesn’t want to be disorganized or get bad grades any more than you want him to do.  Demoralizing F’s will not magically teach him the needed skills.” 

There are no hardwired parts of the brain for academic skills and organization.  The authors point out that while schools and teachers focus attention in these areas in an effort to assist, parents have the ultimate responsibility for helping the child find and refine his or her personal skills, thus it’s critical to keep working as learning partners and participating members of the educational team.

In a series over the next few weeks, I plan to share our thoughts with you about organization.  Heaven bless those who possess the gift of organization and help those who are still learning it!  🙂