Month: November 2020

by

Giving THANKS

Shakespeare observed:  “I can no other answer make but thanks, thanks, and ever thanks…”  In the spirit of my gratefulness for your participation this past month, please allow me a little poetic license to offer two simple words:  THANK YOU.

A THANK YOU has the power to transform our health, happiness, performance, personal excellence, and ultimate success.  Researchers note how grateful people are happier and more likely to maintain strong friendships.  An attitude of gratitude is shown to improve the heart’s rhythmic functioning, which helps us to reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure, and heal faster physically.  My own cardiologist tells me it is actually physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time!  When you are grateful you flood your body and brain with positive reactions (and those important endorphins) to uplift and energize you body, mind, spirit, and soul.

Gratefulness is similar to a muscle in the body—the more we use it, the stronger it gets.  There are three simple (but not always easy) suggestions I use daily in order to assist in strengthening my grateful “muscles:”

  1. Keep a gratefulness journal:  Take a walk/talk/squawk opportunity to write down, say out loud, pray, or meditate on what you are grateful for that day; it’s a mindset for choosing to focus on gratefulness in a purposeful way.
  2. Take a grateful tour:  Randomly write and send a note, card, or a text expressing your gratitude to others as often as you can.
  3. Say “THANK YOU” to someone every single day: When we take time to authentically express our appreciation to someone, we help ourselves in the process.

While these work for me, choose your own way, but use those muscles gratefully!

On this day of thanks and giving:  What one thing will you commit to do in developing your own personal plan to actively practice gratefulness each day?

THANK YOU for walking this gratefulness journey with me, especially during 2020 when little seems as it should.  THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts, reflecting with me and each other, while sharing JOY in simply being grateful together!  May we continue to encourage and uplift one another while keeping the importance of daily gratitude, gratefulness, and grace alive and well each day.  Happy Thanksgiving, my friends…so grateful for you!  🙂

by

Have enough?

“Gratitude can turn common days into Thanksgivings…”  ~William Arthur Ward

Days like today, as I’m cooking and baking, fill me to the brim with bittersweet memories, sacred moments, and the humorous recollections of those going before me.  When I turn a page in the family recipe book, pull out a special pie pan, wear Granny’s apron, or squish my hands into the cornbread dressing, I’m humbly reminded how choosing to live in a mindset of gratefulness each day allows me to see there is always enough…

  • happiness to keep us sweet,
  • trials to keep us strong,
  • sorrows to keep us human,
  • hope to keep us JOY”full,”
  • failure to keep us humble,
  • success to make us eager,
  • family and friends to give us comfort,
  • wealth to meet our needs,
  • enthusiasm to look for tomorrow,
  • faith to banish worry, and
  • determination to make each day better than the previous one. 

(These specific words were written in Granny B’s penmanship on the back of a Thanksgiving card from 1939; no indication if she wrote them or someone else should have this intellectual credit.)

It’s a struggle some days to feel we have enough; we are human after all.  Focusing on the blessings while placing the challenges aside is simple, just not always easy.  Saying thank you is simple, just not always easy.  Living in gratefulness and gratitude challenges us to ponder the reality we really do have enough.  Again I say, gratefulness is a mindful place–perhaps THE place–we find our truest and best selves.

So on Day #29 of our gratefulness journey:  If you created your own “have enough” list to share with those gathered around your table, what would you gratefully include on it?

Regardless of who, if any, are gathered to feast at your table tomorrow, may we all be keenly aware of the gifts we pass and receive to and from one another with profound gratefulness.  Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, my friends; you matter and I’m so grateful for you! 🙂

by

Snuggle Bunny

Our youngest is here with us for a while and bringing such JOY to our pandemic days as we continue our three-generational experience here at the High-Risk-VanAmVilla.  She and her delightful feline companion, Coop, keep things fun, young, and energetic, especially for my dad.  The two of them have a deep connection and she definitely has a special way with Pop.

Gratefully, while staying with us, she is helping me tackle the daunting task of our attic. She understands how sentimental I am, why it is often challenging for me to let go, and how best to navigate this task with me as I recall the story about certain treasures.

A little backstory:  When we moved here three years ago, there was little time to deeply clean out everything from our home of 20+ years (even though MUCH was donated too), so instead of impulse decisions, several sentimental items were stuffed into bins, sealed, and loaded onto the moving truck for the 1,300-mile journey east.  In my defense, my parent’s house of 35 years had been completely cleaned out and sold while at the same time I retired and brought home an office filled with treasures, all within the same year.  Yes; daunting is an understatement.

Fortunately, we have a HUGE, and I mean HUGE, walk-in attic in our current home.  Unfortunately, it allows me the space to store bins of items we no longer require in our lives.

So in true 2020 reflective fashion, it is time to simplify this situation, be grateful for the service and JOY each item has given, and now pass along for someone else to treasure.  There are, however, a few items others will not find so “treasurable,” and sadly, Snuggle Bunny is one of them…

My favorite term of endearment, “Snuggle Bunny,” came into being before I married St. M (not very manly, but it makes him grin even today).  When our oldest was born, we both used the term “Snuggle Bunny” as we hugged her up.  Her first Easter, I stumbled across a t-shirt with this phrase (who knew?) and she “‘gave it” to her daddy as a surprise.  He wore it proudly until she asked to wear it to sleep one night at about age 3.  She wore the t-shirt as a night shirt until her baby sister took it over about five years later.

While I won’t reveal exactly when the shirt was officially retired, let’s just say it has endured multiple years of wearings and washings from three members of our family.  And as you might have guessed, this little jewel was folded on top of the first bin I opened.  Memories, stories, and anecdotes flooded me.  I’m so grateful for the comforting service of this soft cotton shirt stitching together two generations of our family in smiles and sweet dreams, bound in love.

So on Day ???? of our gratefulness journey (in true 2020 fashion, I have no idea what day it really is, but it feels like Nov. 239):  Ponder over a sentimental item in your life and the significance it continues to hold for you. Why are you grateful for it?  And the next time you’re cleaning out and find a special sentimental treasure, take a moment to reflect on your own “Snuggle Bunny” and gratefully remember it will always be a part of you, my friends. 🙂

by

PLENTY of gratefulness…

There is a quaint old cornucopia sitting in our kitchen these days.  It is filled with yummy seasonal fruits and veggies in anticipation of our impending Thanksgiving celebration.  This particular ornamental basket has been in our family for four generations, and even though it shows some wear and tear, it continues to showcase abundance in my life. As a young child in particular, I was always fascinated by the unique shape, the decorative motif, and the visual reminder it provided as a symbol of nature’s bountiful harvest.  But explaining this to Kindergarteners during Thanksgiving…well, that’s another matter.

It was the fall of 1983 and I was teaching my morning class of 32 Kinder friends when I pulled out my cute cornucopia.  Innocently asking the question, “Now friends, who can tell me what this item is? What does it do?  Where might you see it?”  Everything from “turkey tooter” to “basket whistle” fell out of little mouths.  Not one child knew “horn of plenty” or “cornucopia.”  Being a very young, naive student teacher, I was determined to right this obvious injustice (as my mentor master teacher softly snickered in the back of the room 🙂 ).  Quietly and methodically, I reached into my secret sack to fill my cornucopia with little fruits, nuts, vegetables, a tiny pumpkin, and other harvest foods, asking my learners to name each item as it was placed inside the cornucopia (vocabulary building during morning meeting was critical).  When it was filled to overflowing, a child brilliantly exclaimed, “Well, it’s plenty full of food now!”  This is when we talked about the cornucopia being a “horn-of-plenty.”  Our language experience quickly turned into a lengthy and excited discussion about much more that just a cornucopia.  Each child created a personal cornucopia, filling it with objects or items best representing individual interests as a reminder of all they had to be grateful and thankful for during the season; the results, and their simple writings about them, were truly remarkable!

Even today, this family cornucopia remains a Thanksgiving centerpiece in our home.  So on Day #24, think about filling your own cornucopia.  What items best represent what you are grateful and thankful for in particular this year?

Whether it’s a cornucopia or another symbol of the season, here’s hoping we all find plenty to fill our hearts, minds, and souls with gratefulness, especially this year.  Please stay safe and well as you take care of yourself and each other, my friends!  🙂

by

Attitude of Gratitude

My Granny B told me, “Gratitude is your best attitude each day because there is calmness and quiet JOY to living gratefully each day.”  Her Granny B’isms, as I’ve come to call them, were her small pondering pearls of wisdom imparted during the important work we did in her kitchen.  I spent a great deal of time with my maternal grandparents during my formative years and there was a great deal of conversation and wisdom imparted!

Granny loved being in the kitchen.  She planned elaborate baking opportunities for us on Saturdays (in between watching Julia Child on PBS each week) as she told me stories about her life while quietly dispensing her B’isms.  Ironically (although never formally diagnosed), she was manic depressive.  Before there were self-help books, talk shows, and the medications used today, she created her own form of self-help and hope.  She believed strongly in her faith journey and in the power of gratitude as her personal prescription toward a deeper gratefulness for life. Somehow, celebrating daily gratitude became her habit, her attitude, and her unspoken effort.  I know she struggled during many dark days, but she kept giving her personal best, consistently applying some element of cheerfulness. Expressing gratefulness was a powerful way to positively connect with those around her.  Besides, who doesn’t like being around a person who’s genuinely grateful?  I asked her one day what motivated her:  “First thing each morning, reflect on your day ahead and aspire to be grateful with an open heart and mind. At the end of the day, think over what you have done, if you fulfilled or rejected your aspiration.  Either way, gratefully rejoice that you are able to see and go forward, no matter the outcome, with renewed clarity, confidence, and compassion in the days ahead…”  Whew…lots to ponder indeed!

So today, think back over your formative years.  Who first demonstrated the power of gratefulness with an attitude of gratitude?  If given the opportunity, what would you say to this person today?

In our complex world and challenging society, it is my sincerest hope we continue to seek and find an attitude of gratitude daily, and as always, gratefully choose to lead with hope and always in the greatest of these…love.  🙂

by

Deep breaths…Day #12

“Breathe it all in, Love it all out…”  ~ Mary Oliver

Living through uncertainty and change is a constant challenge in life, especially in 2020! Everyone is navigating a culmination of both in this moment, especially this past week, all while dealing with a new wave of the pandemic. I won’t mediate a conversation on politics, but whether your election weight was lifted or burdened by the results, the uncertainties of what comes next during transition exists, leading us down unknown and ever-changing pathways.

When you’re a recovering control freak like me, worrying about every little thing outside my control is also a constant struggle.  This phenomenon is a direct gene-pool mutation from my  mom, who coined the phrase, “preventative worry.”  Guilt and preventative worry are food groups in our family.  Thankfully, I’ve learned to better identify and accept my response, embrace my reaction, and appreciate how uncertainty is part of my self-care journey each day (even when it’s uncomfortable).  A caveat:  accepting the uncertainty doesn’t mean I’m okay with it or with the situation tied to it, but it allows me space to better explore what it might mean while I check my attitude and effort–the only two things in my control.

Gratefully, my attitude and effort allow me to remember these critical points:

  1. I have the power to care for myself and others during challenging times and during the best of times…
  2. I have the power to pay attention and make space for my feelings and also show up for others as they do the same…
  3. I have the power to speak my truth and then listen when others are sharing their truths…
  4. I have the power to let go when needed even though holding on is often easier…
  5. I have the power to explore outcomes even though being wedded to the outcome is not essential…

Gratefully, you have all these powers too!  Simply breath in and breathe out as best you can.  Dig deep into your well of reserves and ask yourself:

In what ways will I gratefully ‘breathe it all in and love it all out’ today? 

Keep breathing in and out, my friends, and please know I’m sending masked-covered smiles and so much love! 🙂

by

Buck up, buttercup!

A very personal Thanksgiving came today about three weeks early and a little over 13 years later.  My urology-oncologist used words I never anticipated hearing:  “Your most recent lab tests, scans, and the procedural scope this morning indicate your bladder cancer is completely gone, and unless you need us, we don’t plan to see your smiling face this time next year.”  It took a few seconds to grasp his meaning while sitting on the table in a wrapped-up sheet.  “I need you to say it again, please,” I whispered.  He glanced up from the scanning screen to look me directly in the eye:  “No more bladder cancer, no more maintenance meds, and no more annual followup required. You have defied odds, beaten this foe with your bladder intact, and this medical chapter is closed. I wouldn’t expect anything less of you because you always do what you have to do.” 

I can’t remember my thank-yous to the medical team, ringing the bell of victory, or the long walk back to my car in the massive hospital parking garage. I do remember bursting into broken sobs of relief and pure JOY as St. M answered his phone to hear me repeat this unexpected news.

In the formative years, my momma often reminded me:  “We do what we have to do until we can do what we want to do, so buck up, my little buttercup.”  I never truly grasped the significant depth of this until recently.  I’ve always done what needed to be done.  I am not, however, always certain what it is I really want to do, but I intend to gratefully ponder and explore many options.

So today:  Gratefully think about something in your life you have to do versus something you really want to do.  What will you do to “buck up” in your own way? 

In the meantime, I am grateful to my extraordinary family, friends, medical team, colleagues, students, church family, and others for your hope, faith, JOY, assistance, meals, jokes, stories, prayers, smiles, hugs, reassurances, and unconditional love shared no matter the day, time, or status in my ongoing medical journey.  Your gentleness and grace, especially on the darkest days, allowed my hope to grow and blossom into endless possibilities, and special thanks for reminding and helping me to show up and “buck up” every step of the way. 🙂

by

Sprinkle it everywhere…

“Be kind. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.”  I heard this daily as a child and have done my personal best to remind my own children as well as those in my daily charge.  A student even painted a little sign for our classroom I keep close even today:  “Kindness is free; sprinkle that stuff everywhere, please!”

There is great power in kindness because kindness is a personal choice.  Kindness is a simple gift each one of us can easily afford to give daily.

So, as we get ready to “button up” the most divisive, costly election in American history in an overwhelming year when every human you see could use it…

What will you do to gratefully spread some kindness today?

Here’s hoping we create clever ways to simply overwhelm others and, in turn, help ourselves, in the two things never wasted in this lifetime…love and KINDNESS!  Stay safe, stay strong, and be well, kind friends!  🙂

by

Calling all saints…

All Saints’ Day…All Souls’ Day…All Hallows’ Day…Sabbath Soul…Dia de Muertos. From my perspective, this particular day has always provoked a powerful response.  Within our worship service, this day is marked with responsive readings, special hymns, remembrances, lit candles, the presentation of a white rose to a surviving family member, and clergy reading aloud the names of those saints from the congregation who have passed during the previous year.  Most disheartening, the list was long this morning.  It’s a marked day of remembrance for all who have gone before, not just this year, and, as my Granny B. would often observe, “to open and honor the ‘thin space’ where all the saints meet.”  

Thanksgiving, 1996.  My mom in her kitchen holding court while preparing the feast in her authentic holiday attire, festive jewelry, coiffed “Steel Magnolia” hair, completely spotless makeup, and brilliant eyes sparkling intelligence and southern sass.  I would quietly sneak up to her with my camera, especially on holidays, because she NEVER liked having her picture made; she always took stunning pictures though.  She passed in 2016 and I miss her every single day, especially on certain days each year like today.

In a strange way, I find myself deeply nostalgic and profoundly grateful every year on this day…grateful for all who came before me, whose shoulders I continue to stand upon…grateful for the treasured stories, the powerful memories, and the lasting legacies of these saints…grateful for the opportunity to reflect on the transformational stages of my life journey…grateful for the blessings of each day and the chance to clear away the broken parts while exploring new paths to grow in hope and grace.  So today, reflect on the saints in your life.  Who are you particularly grateful for and why?

Here’s hoping we never lose sight of the gifts gratefully given to us by those who go come and go before us…for when one is missing, the whole is somehow less.  “For all the saints who from their labors rest…”