Personal Reflections

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Oh deer…

“Mama! We seen two deer. They’s both a doe but big as our bucks!”

It was the Summer of 1974 on the working ranch in the mountains we visited each year. It was mom’s birthday. We were waiting our turn on a bench outside the country store to use the pay phone booth to call daddy who was back home working. Mom got so tickled when she overheard this particular phone conversation coming from the booth, she had to step away to compose herself. That memorable statement became a family mantra that particular summer and momma continued to giggle every single time it came up even years later.

While sitting at our kitchen table this morning, M and I experienced our first deer encounter in our new abode. While watching our various bird feeders in action during coffee time, a beautiful doe sauntered directly in front of our lovely window view. With a calm reverence, she stopped to observe and assess the area, watching the birds and noting her surroundings. We remained motionless and in awe. Before leaving, she turned slowly and made lengthy eye contact with each of us before climbing the hill to move deeper into the woods. After this particular week, it was definitely “a moment,” and I cannot help but think mom had something to do with this, especially this morning.

On what would have been mom’s 82nd birthday today, I choose to believe this encounter represents a message of hope, wisdom, and Love. If you know M and me, we have a complicated relationship with deer (but that’s a story to share another time). Since recently starting this new chapter in our remarkable life together, a culmination of collective wisdom and renewal has evolved. Particularly as we age, we both lean more on following our intuition. To some, our decisions appear rash even though we are methodical thinkers, planners, and problem solvers. As a team, this our super-power; when we know, we know. Introverted, sensitive souls with strong intuition like us are a challenge to balance; gratefully, we continue to learn together how to embrace strength and vulnerability while also asking for help. Evidently, today’s encounter continues to emphasize how our growth and new opportunities require gentleness and grace with ourselves and others. We can do hard things and tackle difficult situations…and on an early Sunday morning after an attempted assassination on the former president, this message presents a powerful call to action for all of us to ponder.

“Momma…we saw your deer and received your message.” Friends, on this day and the ones to come, may gentleness, grace, and Love, always Love, prevail in abundance. Stay safe and well; may we all take good gentle care of ourselves as we care for one other in grace and Love.

PS: Happy Birthday, momma; miss you and your infectious “deer” giggle…

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Goose Sense…

As spring continues to blossom the geese are flying back, laying their nests and leaving “evidence” of their arrival in our neighborhood these days. As they announce their return I always reflect fondly on one of my mom’s favorite life lessons. While simple yet quite profound, her story surfaces each spring as a reminder to tap into my inner goose-sense…

Everything in nature happens for a reason and scientists have discovered why geese fly in the “V” formation.  As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following.  By flying this way, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.  Truth #1:  If we share a common direction and sense of community, we can get where we’re going quicker and easier because we travel on the power of one another. 

Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front.  Truth #2: It’s important to stay in formation with those who are headed in the same direction we are going. 

When the lead goose gets tired, he rotates back into the formation and another goose flies point.  Truth #3: It pays to take turns doing the hard work–with people or with geese flying. 

Geese honk from behind to encourage one another and the others up front to keep up their speed.  Truth #4: We need to be careful what we honk when we honk from behind! 🙂 

Finally, when a goose gets sick or wounded and falls out of formation, two geese fall out to follow her down to help and protect.  They stay with him until he is able to fly or goes to the great sky beyond, then they launch out on their own or with another formation to catch up to their group.  Final truth: If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other no matter what. 

So here’s hoping these basic truths find encouraging ways to prevail in the coming days…HONK! 🙂

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Epiphany. Twelfth Night. The Three Kings. The Magi.

They traversed afar. They rejoiced. They fell down and worshiped. They brought precious treasures of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. As a pastor friend wrote, “We don’t know who these three mysterious, wise travelers were. We don’t know what happens to them after they leave the site of Jesus’ birth. All we know is they choose to follow the Star, to go and see, and then show great wisdom in not going back to report to King Herod…” ~Rev. Erik Folkerth~

On this day three years ago, my lifelong reverence for Epiphany was forever tarnished by horror. I watched in shock as the images of the insurrection unfolded in our nation’s Capitol. Throughout the afternoon I sat in total disbelief at how stirred up and violent the crowd was. This was not the calm and peaceful protest some insisted. And being Epiphany, my mind conjured a scene of the enraged King Herod ordering the slaughters of all male children in the biblical account in the second chapter of Matthew. This crowd marched and chanted and charged and taunted and pillaged. They fought viciously to remove every citizen’s choice and voice, to literally destroy the rights of “We The People.” And just like Herod, they murdered fellow citizens. The very foundation of our democracy in the United States of America was nearly lost that day, and most hauntingly, a basic sense of humanity was destroyed.

As M. and I walked early the next morning trying to unpack the reality and fear, his simple yet profound words of assurance resonated: “All we really have left to offer in today’s world is our humanity. We can continue to be kind humans and love others.” As always, his words calm my soul. Be kind. Love others. It is simple; it’s not always easy.

“We ARE the Magi, searching, resplendent in this world’s accoutrements of knowledge and wealth and achievement…but we search and seek something more.”  ~Ann Weems~

Perhaps we are more like the Magi than we realize. They chose kindness in not returning to Herod. As humans, we seek, discover, observe, perceive, grow, and change on our journeys. In our humanity, we shine the light on uncomfortable truths and realizations we often find difficult to process. We make choices, for better or for worse. We continue to search and seek more. And sometimes in our humanity, we simply choose “to return another way.”

So on this Epiphany, as we grapple with our humanity and being human, may genuine hope and daily intent include ways to seek truth, share kindness, and love others. In all our humanity, it may not be easy, but it’s a simple way to be human.  

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It’s 2024 knocking at the door…

So here we are and here we go. This year is soon leaving and the next one is at the door. New opportunities, possibilities, hopes, dreams, and our stories march onward as Chapter One of 2024 unfolds. The history of each of us has always been in our collective stories. The new year gives unique ways of crafting and sharing our stories. Even as we continue to reflect on the past year, we cannot help but crave a peak at the year before us.

As I’ve shared before, the Scottish phrase “auld lang syne” literally means “old long since” or for “old time’s sake.” This lifelong practice offers sacred opportunities to take the wisdom and experiences from the past year forward in order to build on their lessons. The changes, growth, missteps, triumphs, sorrows, and JOYs provide focused perspective…to do better, to give more, to love more. So, my friends, may I offer these reflections of gratitude and gratefulness, especially after this past year of unexpected curves in the journey:

Thank you for everything you do…the big things and the million little things each day.

Thank you for the unique gifts you share throughout the year, most especially the priceless ones from your heart.

Thank you for bringing JOY to those fortunate enough to know you; I’m grateful to be counted among them!

Thank you for marveling at ordinary days in the most extraordinary ways.

Thank you for simply showing up, paying attention, speaking your truth, and letting go.

Thank you for understanding that it’s ok to not be ok.

Thank you for taking the blank page of each day to write the words as the story unfolds.

Thank you for rewarding others with your smiles, hugs, strength, and comfort.

Thank you for trusting your “circle of persons” as the real treasures in life.

Thank you for doing your personal best and allowing the rest to take care of itself.

Know you are seen, heard, and loved for who you are and what you choose to be in your story. I’ve come to accept how little in life means more than faith, hope, and love. Gentleness and humor keep my faith, hope, and love alive because they are everywhere when we seek them. These “big three” are most prominent in ordinary things like cooking a meal, sharing a conversation, laughing from the belly, making music, reading a book, dancing when no one is watching, hugging my family, helping my daddy, and walking in the woods—simple everyday actions where cream gravy soaks in and homemade grace shines through. May wondrous dreams and wishes take you to remarkable places as you move into this new year. May an angel gently hold your hand in comfort and strength as you prevail when the storms of life swirl. May quiet time with yourself allow your everyday actions to soak in and grace to shine through as you celebrate all that is in 2024. Happy New Year!

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Over October…

As much as I simply adore Autumn, I’m not sad to see October 2023 go. It goes on the record of DO NOT REPEAT. While it’s not my personal story to share, suffice it to say I’ve been one-track-minded for many weeks. The best news is that improvements are noted and healing is commencing in miraculous ways.

As I ponder and process these past many weeks, a few notable nuggets emerge: Calmness allows for clearer thinking. Moving with strategy overrides the immediate temptation to react with emotion. Nurses…nurses are the real healers. No matter your age, we must learn to live in the body we have; finding a way to celebrate each stage of this miraculous vessel created uniquely for each of us is a gift. Even when the world remains a 24/7-hair-on-fire-breaking-news mess, mercy and grace are present all around each of us when we purposefully seek it. Mind over matter works because our mind intentionally believes what we feed it. And…feeding hope, truth, faith, and love are critical components for overall healing.

During the course of this journey, I was reminded of the adorable “Advice from a Tree” reader’s theater my second graders acted out each Autumn. This sums it up best:

Stand tall. Act naturally. Enjoy the view. Settle down. Sink deep roots. Make yourself useful too. Change your look for the season. Learn to bend and not break. Drink lots of water. Share with others; don’t just take. Dance and sway gently in the breeze. Be colorful and bright. Letting go can be a lesson, so reach up to the sky for the light!

As this October goes along with the gorgeous brilliant hues, may the barer branches of the trees reveal more sky, thus allowing more light for each of us. As always, please take care of yourself as you care for others, my friends.

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UnbeLEAFable…

Winter pencils a stark etching. Spring quivers in pastel. Summer glows in warm watercolors. Autumn…well, Autumn explodes into a mosaic of all the seasons combined.

On the rustic path, subtle signs of Autumn prevail. We gaze in wonder as swirling colorful leaves float gently along the trail. The smells of fresh pine and wood fires tickle our face. The honking of geese in formation create rhythm for our pace. We breathe and taste the sweet fresh air while feeling cooler breezes without a care.

It’s Autumn, that mystical time when nature dresses in spectacular hues and reminds us how great it is to let things go.

“Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the Autumn tree…” ~Emile Bronte~

May your blessings this season outnumber the autumn leaves!

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Age is just a number…

Daddy and I were talking about his birthday recently:

Me:  So…chocolate cake or chocolate pie this year for your big day?

Pop:  Both, but probably pie before cake.

Me:  It’s my birthday after yours, so I’ll make pie for you and then cake for me.

Pop:  See; I still get both and can pretend they’re both for me.

Me:  How old are you on this birthday Daddy?

Pop:  Age is just a number, Bethy. If we’re lucky enough, we all get to a number we cannot remember – or – we just don’t count that high anymore. Laugh and find the JOY in it!

A few years ago as we moved east, a close friend gave me a map with the phrase: “Find JOY in the Journey!” She understands. We’ve been each other’s “JOY” partners through several years of life’s complicated twists on our journeys.

So now it’s July and like Christmas around here because we have numerous birthdays in our family this month. July is also the month I see a minimum of six medical professionals for what I affectionately call “the annual hopeful-wellness tour.” Like the Hotel California, I can check out anytime, but apparently I can never leave. The various labs, scans, and other diagnostic tests commence with their recent findings, comparisons, markers, and results. I work to complete this medical tour before my actual birthday so I can (hopefully) breathe a little easier while celebrating another year, and in all honesty, eat lots of cake!

Much has been studied and read on the art and science of aging gracefully. As time marches on across this body, I stand amazed at the resilience, stamina, and perseverance involved in this aging process. Getting older and staying healthy are full-time bonus careers some days. Many of my closest friends serve as exceptional examples on the art and science of aging in mercy and grace. They make it appear simple, but I know the reality is not easy. Balance and strength, wrinkles and scars, medications and lifestyle adjustments—these are the raw physical, mental, social, and emotional parts requiring expert whack-a-mole skills most days. I can (but won’t) show you an Amtrak system of scars across my body; each one serves as a reminder to how much stronger I was than what tried to stop me. I am not alone. Study the faces and body language of others as you wait in the various clinic areas, treatment rooms, or labs next time. Whole conversations take place, yet not one word is spoken aloud because grace and mercy often speak without words.

The best gift to this aging process is the wisdom gained during all this life living. Learning on the road of life, with its constant twists and turns, brings remarkable surprises and rewards. Most of us learn best by doing, so the life lessons we experience leave a vast wealth of knowledge, even in the midst of healing wounds still tender to the touch.

Aging is simple; just not easy. Adding another year while staying active and well are full-time jobs. Most of us are fortunate to do it! Aging gracefully takes the will to show up every day, to believe in yourself and others, to pay attention, and to be open to pivots and possibilities. Sometimes I’m so busy holding on I forget the importance of simply letting go. And outcomes, in the long run, the doing and getting there is usually greater than the final outcome. Mom was right: “Living is in the journey, not the final destination.”

So, here I go wandering into my diamond decade, joining other sixty-somethings born in the 1960’s. Daddy’s attitude is right. Age IS just a number. Life is short; count the life in the years. With the opportunity to age onward, counting is optional. Remember to laugh and find JOY in the journey! 😊  

Happy Birthday and celebrate BIG all you July babies! Please take care of yourself as you care and celebrate with others! 😊

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We just dough-not know…

It’s June and I haven’t written here in 2023. Where does the time go? I’m retired and busier than ever, but what is it I actually do all day? I know one important thing; I spend time with Daddy.

On National Doughnut Day this past week, I took Pop his weekly supply of snacks and drinks along with a favorite special treat: chocolate glazed doughnuts with sprinkles. Please don’t tell his doctor, but our local shop might know our names and what he likes, only because his huge smile when he enters this store is infectious. He wasn’t with me this visit, but they knew where this order was going.

As we spend time together, Pop usually shares stories and remembrances while partaking of his special treat. Mind you, even his deeper memories are not always chocolate glaze and sprinkles (with ALZ, it rarely is), but he holds his own and witty observations often surface. His biggest revelation this past week was the time he and his friend, Bill, walked from his house on Windomere Avenue to a local doughnut shop to take home a dozen to share with their families. Unfortunately, by the time they got home with the box, it was empty: “We just told my mom, ‘Sorry; we dough-not know what happened to them!’”  Daddy laughed and laughed.

On really good days, we have deep and meaningful conversation in snippets with daddy carefully verbalizing his thoughts. Stories, family lore, vacations, dog show adventures, friendships, and more tumble into vibrant stories of delightful conversation. He speaks and I soak up all I can, especially when his sense of humor takes over.

On the toughest days, I help him dig deeper inside his mental well to encourage him. Often times, he simply chooses to sit quietly in my company, look at family pictures, and wait for me to share the familiar stories with him. As he observes on occasion: “I haven’t forgotten, Bethy; I just can’t remember most of the time.” 

Sometimes, without warning, he looks deep into my eyes, straight inside my soul, and says, “I forget, but thank you for remembering for me.” Those moments of clarity are a divine gift. While often overwhelming, walking this path with him as the keeper of his memories in his greatest time of need is a gift to both of us.

June is National Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month. 2023 marks ten years our family has “officially” been affected by ALZ. A decade…and according to St. M, 16.666% of my life. From mom’s diagnosis in 2013 to dad’s in 2017, we’ve tackled the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. Some days are diamonds and some are stone; some minutes golden and others are full groan.

Alzheimer’s may be robbing the vibrancy of Daddy’s witty mind, but he has us and we have him. We continue to forge ahead on this unique journey together. We understand well how some things in life cannot be fixed, but are shouldered with love, help, and strength of others. His heart and soul continue to hold what his mind cannot, so we choose to follow his lead to “take what you’re given with grace and dignity and move on.” After all, we simply ‘dough-not’ know what the future holds anyway, but doughnuts, they make it all a bit easier to swallow some days.

Take care of yourselves, friends, as you care for others; be blessed and be a blessing.  

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What’s to be in ’23?

I don’t know about you, but it appeared the holiday season zoomed by, sometimes quite literally. From Thanksgiving through Christmas I intentionally chose to put certain expectations on the back-burner in order to simply BE—be present, pay attention, and savor the moments of precious time together. Overall, it was the easiest holiday because we were together. I let go of over-the-top expectations and anxiety about detailed perfection. The meals were not lavishly chic or garnished. The back porch tree fell over and broke during strong winds and icy storms. The cats were circling and hissing. Laundry piled up. Outdoor water faucets froze. Daddy didn’t know it was Christmas and struggled to make sense of it. The greatest part: we were together. We laughed and cried (it’s not Christmas until someone cries). Played games and watched movies. Baked (until we ran out of sugar) and ate. Talked and stayed up too late. We were together. Several airport runs later, everyone is safely back in their home places and our home is far too quiet. The memories prevail; we were together.

So here we are and here we go. This year is soon passing and the next one is on the horizon in a few hours. Frankly, I am thrilled to still BE. New opportunities, possibilities, hopes, dreams, and our stories march onward as Chapter One of 2023 begins. The history of each of us has always been in our collective stories. The new year gives each of us unique ways of crafting and sharing those stories. Even as we continue to reflect on the past year, we cannot help but crave a peak of the one ahead.

As I’ve shared before, the Scottish phrase “auld lang syne” literally means “old long since” or for “old time’s sake.” I cannot ignore the Scottish blood running in my veins when it comes to reflection and pondering “for old time’s sake.” This lifelong practice offers sacred opportunities to take the wisdom and experiences from the past year forward in order to build on their lessons. The changes, growth, missteps, triumphs, sorrows, and JOYs bring focused perspective. I want to do better, to give more, and to love more.

So, my friend, may I offer these reflections of gratitude and gratefulness as we open the Book of 2023:

Thank you for everything you do…the big things and the million little things each day.

Thank you for the unique gifts you give throughout the year…most especially the priceless ones from your heart.

Thank you for bringing JOY to others fortunate enough to know you; I’m grateful to be one of them!

Thank you for marveling at ordinary days in the most extraordinary ways.

Thank you for simply showing up, paying attention, speaking your truth, and letting go.

Thank you for understanding that it’s ok to not be ok.

Thank you for taking the blank page of each day to write the words as your story unfolds.

Thank you for rewarding others with your smiles, hugs, strength, and comfort.

Thank you for trusting your “circle of persons” as the real treasures in life and happiness as true wealth.

Thank you for doing your personal best and allowing the rest to take care of itself.

Know you are seen, heard, and loved for who you are and what you choose to be in your story. I’ve come to accept how little in life means more than faith, hope, and love, and choose to sprinkle these generously. Gentleness and humor keep my faith, hope, and love alive because they are everywhere when we seek them. These “big three” are most prominent for me in ordinary things like cooking a meal, sharing a conversation, singing children, laughing from the belly, making music, reading a book, dancing when no one is watching, hugging, helping my daddy, and walking in the woods—simple everyday actions where cream gravy soaks in and homemade grace shines through. The world and our souls crave this. May this be so in 2023. May wondrous dreams and wishes take you to remarkable places. When the storms of life swirl, may an angel gently hold your hand in comfort and strength as you prevail. May quiet time with yourself allow your everyday actions to soak in and grace to shine through as you celebrate all that is in 2023. Happy New Year!

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A vet’s remembrance…

In Flanders fields the poppies grow
Between the crosses, row on row,
  That mark our place; and in the sky
  The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
  Loved and were loved, and now we lie
      In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
  The torch; be yours to hold it high.
  If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
      In Flanders fields.

The first time I heard the words to this powerful poem, my father-in-law, John Van Amburgh, was quietly quoting them from memory. He shared with me how he first heard the poem while serving overseas in the Army during WWII. The poem, written by Canadian physician, Lieutenant-Colonel Dr. John McCrae in 1915, describes the haunting loss of a friend and fellow soldier who died in the Second Battle of Ypres during WWI, the war to end all wars. Dr. McCrae’s poem is one of the most quoted from the first world war, and its reference to the red poppies growing over the countless graves of fallen soldiers resulted in the Remembrance Poppy becoming a recognized memorial symbol for all soldiers lost in conflict. Poppies were considered the battlefield flower because they were the first to grow back after war destroyed the landscape.

So on this 11th hour of this 11th day of the 11th month of this year, I pause to gratefully salute Poppa Van and all who bravely gave time, talent, and service to our country. With profound gratitude we honor those living among us who served and those who currently serve, as well as their families and loved ones who courageously “crack on” during the long absences of their loved ones in service. We all know someone…so…Who will you take a moment to reach out to in gratefulness for their service? 🙂