Gratefulness

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Oh deer…

“Mama! We seen two deer. They’s both a doe but big as our bucks!”

It was the Summer of 1974 on the working ranch in the mountains we visited each year. It was mom’s birthday. We were waiting our turn on a bench outside the country store to use the pay phone booth to call daddy who was back home working. Mom got so tickled when she overheard this particular phone conversation coming from the booth, she had to step away to compose herself. That memorable statement became a family mantra that particular summer and momma continued to giggle every single time it came up even years later.

While sitting at our kitchen table this morning, M and I experienced our first deer encounter in our new abode. While watching our various bird feeders in action during coffee time, a beautiful doe sauntered directly in front of our lovely window view. With a calm reverence, she stopped to observe and assess the area, watching the birds and noting her surroundings. We remained motionless and in awe. Before leaving, she turned slowly and made lengthy eye contact with each of us before climbing the hill to move deeper into the woods. After this particular week, it was definitely “a moment,” and I cannot help but think mom had something to do with this, especially this morning.

On what would have been mom’s 82nd birthday today, I choose to believe this encounter represents a message of hope, wisdom, and Love. If you know M and me, we have a complicated relationship with deer (but that’s a story to share another time). Since recently starting this new chapter in our remarkable life together, a culmination of collective wisdom and renewal has evolved. Particularly as we age, we both lean more on following our intuition. To some, our decisions appear rash even though we are methodical thinkers, planners, and problem solvers. As a team, this our super-power; when we know, we know. Introverted, sensitive souls with strong intuition like us are a challenge to balance; gratefully, we continue to learn together how to embrace strength and vulnerability while also asking for help. Evidently, today’s encounter continues to emphasize how our growth and new opportunities require gentleness and grace with ourselves and others. We can do hard things and tackle difficult situations…and on an early Sunday morning after an attempted assassination on the former president, this message presents a powerful call to action for all of us to ponder.

“Momma…we saw your deer and received your message.” Friends, on this day and the ones to come, may gentleness, grace, and Love, always Love, prevail in abundance. Stay safe and well; may we all take good gentle care of ourselves as we care for one other in grace and Love.

PS: Happy Birthday, momma; miss you and your infectious “deer” giggle…

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Over October…

As much as I simply adore Autumn, I’m not sad to see October 2023 go. It goes on the record of DO NOT REPEAT. While it’s not my personal story to share, suffice it to say I’ve been one-track-minded for many weeks. The best news is that improvements are noted and healing is commencing in miraculous ways.

As I ponder and process these past many weeks, a few notable nuggets emerge: Calmness allows for clearer thinking. Moving with strategy overrides the immediate temptation to react with emotion. Nurses…nurses are the real healers. No matter your age, we must learn to live in the body we have; finding a way to celebrate each stage of this miraculous vessel created uniquely for each of us is a gift. Even when the world remains a 24/7-hair-on-fire-breaking-news mess, mercy and grace are present all around each of us when we purposefully seek it. Mind over matter works because our mind intentionally believes what we feed it. And…feeding hope, truth, faith, and love are critical components for overall healing.

During the course of this journey, I was reminded of the adorable “Advice from a Tree” reader’s theater my second graders acted out each Autumn. This sums it up best:

Stand tall. Act naturally. Enjoy the view. Settle down. Sink deep roots. Make yourself useful too. Change your look for the season. Learn to bend and not break. Drink lots of water. Share with others; don’t just take. Dance and sway gently in the breeze. Be colorful and bright. Letting go can be a lesson, so reach up to the sky for the light!

As this October goes along with the gorgeous brilliant hues, may the barer branches of the trees reveal more sky, thus allowing more light for each of us. As always, please take care of yourself as you care for others, my friends.

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Age is just a number…

Daddy and I were talking about his birthday recently:

Me:  So…chocolate cake or chocolate pie this year for your big day?

Pop:  Both, but probably pie before cake.

Me:  It’s my birthday after yours, so I’ll make pie for you and then cake for me.

Pop:  See; I still get both and can pretend they’re both for me.

Me:  How old are you on this birthday Daddy?

Pop:  Age is just a number, Bethy. If we’re lucky enough, we all get to a number we cannot remember – or – we just don’t count that high anymore. Laugh and find the JOY in it!

A few years ago as we moved east, a close friend gave me a map with the phrase: “Find JOY in the Journey!” She understands. We’ve been each other’s “JOY” partners through several years of life’s complicated twists on our journeys.

So now it’s July and like Christmas around here because we have numerous birthdays in our family this month. July is also the month I see a minimum of six medical professionals for what I affectionately call “the annual hopeful-wellness tour.” Like the Hotel California, I can check out anytime, but apparently I can never leave. The various labs, scans, and other diagnostic tests commence with their recent findings, comparisons, markers, and results. I work to complete this medical tour before my actual birthday so I can (hopefully) breathe a little easier while celebrating another year, and in all honesty, eat lots of cake!

Much has been studied and read on the art and science of aging gracefully. As time marches on across this body, I stand amazed at the resilience, stamina, and perseverance involved in this aging process. Getting older and staying healthy are full-time bonus careers some days. Many of my closest friends serve as exceptional examples on the art and science of aging in mercy and grace. They make it appear simple, but I know the reality is not easy. Balance and strength, wrinkles and scars, medications and lifestyle adjustments—these are the raw physical, mental, social, and emotional parts requiring expert whack-a-mole skills most days. I can (but won’t) show you an Amtrak system of scars across my body; each one serves as a reminder to how much stronger I was than what tried to stop me. I am not alone. Study the faces and body language of others as you wait in the various clinic areas, treatment rooms, or labs next time. Whole conversations take place, yet not one word is spoken aloud because grace and mercy often speak without words.

The best gift to this aging process is the wisdom gained during all this life living. Learning on the road of life, with its constant twists and turns, brings remarkable surprises and rewards. Most of us learn best by doing, so the life lessons we experience leave a vast wealth of knowledge, even in the midst of healing wounds still tender to the touch.

Aging is simple; just not easy. Adding another year while staying active and well are full-time jobs. Most of us are fortunate to do it! Aging gracefully takes the will to show up every day, to believe in yourself and others, to pay attention, and to be open to pivots and possibilities. Sometimes I’m so busy holding on I forget the importance of simply letting go. And outcomes, in the long run, the doing and getting there is usually greater than the final outcome. Mom was right: “Living is in the journey, not the final destination.”

So, here I go wandering into my diamond decade, joining other sixty-somethings born in the 1960’s. Daddy’s attitude is right. Age IS just a number. Life is short; count the life in the years. With the opportunity to age onward, counting is optional. Remember to laugh and find JOY in the journey! 😊  

Happy Birthday and celebrate BIG all you July babies! Please take care of yourself as you care and celebrate with others! 😊

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What’s to be in ’23?

I don’t know about you, but it appeared the holiday season zoomed by, sometimes quite literally. From Thanksgiving through Christmas I intentionally chose to put certain expectations on the back-burner in order to simply BE—be present, pay attention, and savor the moments of precious time together. Overall, it was the easiest holiday because we were together. I let go of over-the-top expectations and anxiety about detailed perfection. The meals were not lavishly chic or garnished. The back porch tree fell over and broke during strong winds and icy storms. The cats were circling and hissing. Laundry piled up. Outdoor water faucets froze. Daddy didn’t know it was Christmas and struggled to make sense of it. The greatest part: we were together. We laughed and cried (it’s not Christmas until someone cries). Played games and watched movies. Baked (until we ran out of sugar) and ate. Talked and stayed up too late. We were together. Several airport runs later, everyone is safely back in their home places and our home is far too quiet. The memories prevail; we were together.

So here we are and here we go. This year is soon passing and the next one is on the horizon in a few hours. Frankly, I am thrilled to still BE. New opportunities, possibilities, hopes, dreams, and our stories march onward as Chapter One of 2023 begins. The history of each of us has always been in our collective stories. The new year gives each of us unique ways of crafting and sharing those stories. Even as we continue to reflect on the past year, we cannot help but crave a peak of the one ahead.

As I’ve shared before, the Scottish phrase “auld lang syne” literally means “old long since” or for “old time’s sake.” I cannot ignore the Scottish blood running in my veins when it comes to reflection and pondering “for old time’s sake.” This lifelong practice offers sacred opportunities to take the wisdom and experiences from the past year forward in order to build on their lessons. The changes, growth, missteps, triumphs, sorrows, and JOYs bring focused perspective. I want to do better, to give more, and to love more.

So, my friend, may I offer these reflections of gratitude and gratefulness as we open the Book of 2023:

Thank you for everything you do…the big things and the million little things each day.

Thank you for the unique gifts you give throughout the year…most especially the priceless ones from your heart.

Thank you for bringing JOY to others fortunate enough to know you; I’m grateful to be one of them!

Thank you for marveling at ordinary days in the most extraordinary ways.

Thank you for simply showing up, paying attention, speaking your truth, and letting go.

Thank you for understanding that it’s ok to not be ok.

Thank you for taking the blank page of each day to write the words as your story unfolds.

Thank you for rewarding others with your smiles, hugs, strength, and comfort.

Thank you for trusting your “circle of persons” as the real treasures in life and happiness as true wealth.

Thank you for doing your personal best and allowing the rest to take care of itself.

Know you are seen, heard, and loved for who you are and what you choose to be in your story. I’ve come to accept how little in life means more than faith, hope, and love, and choose to sprinkle these generously. Gentleness and humor keep my faith, hope, and love alive because they are everywhere when we seek them. These “big three” are most prominent for me in ordinary things like cooking a meal, sharing a conversation, singing children, laughing from the belly, making music, reading a book, dancing when no one is watching, hugging, helping my daddy, and walking in the woods—simple everyday actions where cream gravy soaks in and homemade grace shines through. The world and our souls crave this. May this be so in 2023. May wondrous dreams and wishes take you to remarkable places. When the storms of life swirl, may an angel gently hold your hand in comfort and strength as you prevail. May quiet time with yourself allow your everyday actions to soak in and grace to shine through as you celebrate all that is in 2023. Happy New Year!

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A vet’s remembrance…

In Flanders fields the poppies grow
Between the crosses, row on row,
  That mark our place; and in the sky
  The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
  Loved and were loved, and now we lie
      In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
  The torch; be yours to hold it high.
  If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
      In Flanders fields.

The first time I heard the words to this powerful poem, my father-in-law, John Van Amburgh, was quietly quoting them from memory. He shared with me how he first heard the poem while serving overseas in the Army during WWII. The poem, written by Canadian physician, Lieutenant-Colonel Dr. John McCrae in 1915, describes the haunting loss of a friend and fellow soldier who died in the Second Battle of Ypres during WWI, the war to end all wars. Dr. McCrae’s poem is one of the most quoted from the first world war, and its reference to the red poppies growing over the countless graves of fallen soldiers resulted in the Remembrance Poppy becoming a recognized memorial symbol for all soldiers lost in conflict. Poppies were considered the battlefield flower because they were the first to grow back after war destroyed the landscape.

So on this 11th hour of this 11th day of the 11th month of this year, I pause to gratefully salute Poppa Van and all who bravely gave time, talent, and service to our country. With profound gratitude we honor those living among us who served and those who currently serve, as well as their families and loved ones who courageously “crack on” during the long absences of their loved ones in service. We all know someone…so…Who will you take a moment to reach out to in gratefulness for their service? 🙂 

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Sister, Sister!

It’s no secret; I absolutely adore my sister. No, we don’t always agree and we often both try to boss the other (even though I am the oldest and wisest, don’t you know). We definitely have a mutual admiration and deep respect for one another. We genuinely care for and love each other. We are forever the two Folsom girls. And thanks to our formidable parental upbringing, we appreciate the fact we have each other as we age. As I speak with others, sadly, this is not considered the norm. I’ve been told on many occasions we’re quite unique; “freaks of sibling nature.” Hmmm…

I’ve spent the greater part of the past month with my sister. She and her wife recently purchased a stunning home. “Daisy” is a cheerful sunny abode in the trees of a quiet, quintessential New England town tucked into a beautifully peaceful neighborhood. While they both commute a little further for work, the idea of retreating back to Daisy on those select days makes the miles roll by in anticipation of the calm to come at home inside their Daisy.

As expected, and most especially during big life events, my sis and I share everything. This recent moving venture was no exception. With my toolbelt packed and a credit card I wasn’t afraid to swipe, I flew north to tackle all duties as assigned. From borrowed t-shirts when we couldn’t find something clean to wear to the sharing of a sibling COVID outbreak during the move, nothing was off limits (and thanks to science and due diligence, all are recovering well!). Uniquely throughout our lifetime together, whether it’s marriages, births, deaths, surgeries, cancer, aging woes, life decisions, moving homes, climbing mountains, or celebrating milestones, we show up for each other and participate in the experience side-by-side. This move was no exception. One of us can call and say “please come now,” and the other does. When one is down, the other picks up and runs.

Most gratefully, our close bond has proved beneficial when working together on behalf of our parents, especially in the past decade. While daddy and his humor are still with us, his former guiding compass now manifests in the gentle reminders my sis and I share with him on his journey. Dad was an only child and while he and mom raised us to respect the other, he gently reminded us we had each other when they were no longer with us. He also noted that whether we want to or not, “we all quote our moms and dads.” And, fun fact, daddy never misses the opportunity to remind us of this. Most importantly, he is very aware of our “team” approach now to his daily care and well-being. Little escapes the notice of “his girls.” Roles have reversed; together we are his advocates and softest landing no matter the situation. When he sees both of us approach him, or anyone on his “team,” he warns everyone to “brace for impact.” And sure enough, we never miss an opportunity to remind him we are this force of nature because of him. 😊

So today, I’m beyond grateful for my sis! I’m filled with gratitude for the life experiences and adventures we share, the sorrows we half, and the JOYs we double on this life journey. Whether you have sibling or not, I hope you to reach out to a person you consider a brother-from-another-mother or a sister-from-another-mister. Share a story, a laugh, or a walk down memory lane along with your gratefulness for their important role in your life. May you be blessed and be a blessing as you care for yourself and others. 😊

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Gracious Saints…

All Saints’ Day…All Souls’ Day…All Hallows’ Day…Sabbath Soul…Dia de Muertos. From my perspective, this particular day provokes an emotional reaction. The first Sunday in November is marked as a day of special remembrance for those who have gone before in our worship service. This remembrance is sprinkled with responsive readings, special hymns, lit candles, the presentation of a white rose to a surviving family member, and clergy reading aloud the names of those saints from the congregation who gone beyond in the past year. As my Granny B. often observed, All Saints is the time “to open and honor the ‘thin space’ where all the saints meet.”

My parents, around 1991.  My mom NEVER liked having her picture taken; it was a big deal to catch her unaware in her beautiful clothes, jewelry, coiffed hair, and spotless makeup. When she was next to dad though, he would make her laugh and coax her gently into relaxing so the snapshot was natural. She passed in 2016 and I miss her every single day, but especially on certain remembrances like today.

Ironically, I find myself deeply nostalgic and profoundly grateful every year on this solemn day. Grateful for all who came before me, whose shoulders I continue to stand upon. Grateful for the treasured stories, the powerful memories, and the lasting legacies of these saints. Grateful for the opportunity to reflect on the transformational stages of my own life journey. Grateful for each new day and the chance to clear away the broken parts while exploring new paths to grow in grace and hope. 

So today, take a moment to reflect on the saints in your life.  Who are you particularly grateful for and why?

A longtime friend sent me this poem early this morning; she was thinking of my mom and me:

In the ­struggles we choose for ourselves,
in the ways we move forward in our lives
and bring our world forward with us,

It is right to remember the names of those
who gave us strength in this choice of living.
It is right to name the power of hard lives well-lived.

We share a history with those lives.
We belong to the same motion.

They too were strengthened by what had gone before.
They too were drawn on by the vision of what might come to be.

Those who lived before us,
who ­struggled for justice and suffered injustice before us,
have not melted into the dust,
and have not disappeared.

They are with us still.
The lives they lived hold us steady.

Their words remind us and call us back to ourselves.
Their courage and love evoke our own.

We, the living, carry them with us:
we are their voices, their hands and their hearts.

We take them with us,
and with them choose the deeper path of living.
— Kathleen McTigue, “They Are with Us Still”

Here’s hoping we never lose sight of the gifts gratefully given to us by those who come and go before us…for when one is missing, the whole is somehow less. “For all the saints who from their labors rest…” May you be blessed and be a blessing as you care for yourself and others, my friends.

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Moving through JOY

I opened my inbox to find this message: “As one who reminds us to experience JOY and to enJOY each day, here’s a poem for you…”

I sometimes forget that I was created for Joy.

My mind is too busy.

My Heart is too heavy for me to remember

I have been called to dance the

Sacred dance of life.

I was created to smile

To Love

To be lifted up

And to lift others up.

O’ Sacred One

Untangle my feet

from all that ensnares.

Free my soul.

That we might

Dance

and that our dancing might be contagious.    ~Hafiz~

Special thanks to the Reading Goddess, R, for reaching out to share this reminder, for sensing my heart, and for singing JOY back to me through poetry. May this gentle reminder spark JOY as you untangle your feet to inspire gratefulness around you today. Be blessed and be a blessing, friends. 🙂  

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Reboot

I reach up to take down my favorite pair of boots this morning. They are a pair of blue Pikolinos my St. M purchased for me four years ago in our favorite shoe store outside Mt. Airy. We always stop and shop in this family-owned establishment on our way up the mountain to the Blue Ridge Parkway; excellent quality and great value for exceptional wares. M buys running shoes and I buy everything else. 🙂 This particular style of ankle boot has a slight heel and are well-formed for my achy, aging feet. I walk securely and with a slight “swag” when wearing them because I feel their steadfast power on my unsure feet…all sass and class rolled into a cute if practical boot. I notice, though, the heel needs attention on one. It’s a reboot, so off I go to town to have our local repair shop help them last another season.

Metaphorically speaking and in an effort to reboot and jump start November in the focused season of thanks and giving, these next few blogs will focus on gratefulness. Personally, gratefulness is a practiced mindset in my world, a feeling of appreciation for a kindness or a welcome experience of gratitude and thankfulness. Authentic gratefulness brings pleasure and contentment on a level all of us could benefit from in daily life. The word itself comes from the Latin derivative, gratus, “showing grace, blessing, and JOY…” Just like daily physical exercise, cultivating creative and mindful ways to practice daily gratitude is sometimes a challenge in an effort to recharge and reboot mind, body, and soul. Finding gentle ways to nurture it are paramount to daily practice.

Day One:   What is ONE thing today you are grateful for in this moment?

Me?  REBOOT.  Waking up to a beautifully blue, crystal crisp fall morn following the torrential rains and winds from the storms of last night, the air is quiet and washed clean. The woods have regenerated to start a new day, beginning with more leaves fluttering gracefully to the ground as I rake. I run to town to repair the boot; all is well once again. My personal battery is recharged today and the multitude of worries from yesterday are more distant because of restful sleep, cooler temperatures, and calmness in my grateful thoughts. The blank page in the journal of today is clean and ready to unfold a fresh story. What will the story be today?

More patience, forgiveness, kindness, understanding, and generosity are the focus for these remaining weeks of 2022. Working to right wrongs, learning from mistakes, listening more, talking less, seeking truth, and remembering to embrace the bounty…these are the touch points. Hope is not lost. Grace and mercies are abundant. “I am grateful for what I am and have…my Thanksgiving is perpetual.” (Henry David Thoreau) So, go ahead; throw caution to the day…what’s your ONE grateful thing in this moment? 

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Ode to my Piano

“She’s packed with all her parts and loaded safely on the truck! We’ll take great care of her and get her there safe and full of beautiful sound.”

The She is K.Kawai, aka “KK” aka “KayKuhWahee.” Our youngest daughter named her KK because saying the full name was too challenging for her at age 2.

KK is our family’s beloved 50-year-old grand piano. She is living the sum of her life thus far through four generations of piano and vocal practice, professional voice lessons, opera workshops, family recitals, singing hat shows, choir retreats, duets, trios, quartets, oboe with other instrument accompaniments, and much more in our family. KK never complains and always works to full potential, no matter how challenging the player on her keyboard.

It is bittersweet to convey the emotion of making music on a piano and what it means personally to me. One of my earliest memories is being on the bench of a piano my maternal grandfather was playing at a singing convention on the grounds of a Methodist church in Texas. On that particular afternoon, Grandpa Brock was playing gospel songs from a new Stamps-Baxter songbook while leading the congregation. Granny let me sit beside him on the bench if I promised to be “church-quiet.” When he leaned down to ask me what he should play next I told him “Jingle Bells.” As he always did, he began a gospel introduction with flair and I started singing with the congregation soon joining in. Likely there has never been a better gospel rendition of “Jingle Bells” ever created at a singing. He also sold out of the new songbooks that day. 🙂

Fast forward a bit and I’m sitting on the bench of Grandpa’s piano in their home while he’s tuning it. I traveled many a Saturday morning as his tuning assistant. As a treat for good behavior, he would play anything I requested so he could “test the action of the soundboard and make certain the tuning tines are tight enough.” He would also play popular radio tunes while showing me specific notes and chord progression. I was completely fascinated, thus it was time for “formal classical lessons.” At age 5, my remarkable teacher, Ruth Ann Lively Hoffman, merged great patience and kindness with firm and consistent musicianship. Grandpa and mom knew her well and trusted her classical method for teaching and reading music. She is also the blessed soul who nurtured the lyrical, gentle, and sensitive side of my musicianship while challenging me technically in profound ways. Ruth Ann poured her extraordinary talents and skills into three generations of our family (accompanying mom when she sang and then teaching piano to me, my sis, and my oldest daughter). She remains a treasured musician, mentor, and friend of our family always.

KK’s actual introduction to my musical world started when I was 10 one early morning with Grandpa at Oak Cliff Music Company in Dallas, Texas. This was around the time I was serious about being a concert pianist; I was a determined pre-teen. As he was tuning and I was playing afterwards, Grandpa decided it was imperative we had a “grand”er piano for daily practice, especially if one of us decided music was our intended career path. He told me that day: “Music in general, especially music created on a piano, stirs my soul. Master the art and feed your soul, Bethy.” While my sister endured piano lessons because mom made her (she wanted both of us to read music well), she was much more serious about singing. As I practiced and memorized classical piano works, B created lyrics and ran around the room singing them to classical pieces. As it turns out, sis was the better piano player AND overall musician! Not only did she complete a doctorate and make music her life’s work, but we raised another musician in the next generation as well. Perhaps DNA had something to do with it? My bet (and profound thanks) is on Grandpa Brock.

While not my forever calling, my love for music in general and piano in private continued through the formative and college years well into family life with M and our daughters. Even as an elementary principal, one of the many grants we wrote for additional funding involved an electronic set of classroom piano keyboards so our remarkable music teacher could teach our learners beginning piano. She organized three after-school clubs: Singers (choir), Ringers (handbells), and Fingers (piano). It’s no secret the research shows basic keyboarding and piano knowledge not only enhances musical talent in all other instruments; it builds stronger brain connections in reading, writing, math calculations, and problem solving. And yes, I was invited to play with them on several occasions and KK always helped me practice.

So our beloved KK is pedaling north today to my sister’s beautiful new home. While sad because I will miss her and her formidable daily presence in my life, she remains within our family where her calling and service are needed for more important missions. KK will be the wonderful sounding board to an extraordinary voice teacher (B) while living with a master pianist-in-residence who will nurture her (A), as scores of talented young opera singers encounter her percussive precision. Once she’s settled and properly tuned, I have little doubt she will vibrantly sing in her daily life as an instrumental liaison for musical excellence.

J.S. Bach noted, “There is nothing remarkable about it…all one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.” Maybe so, Herr Bach, but to me, KK’s 88 piano keys of ebony and ivory delicately balanced within a maple case will always reflect the sounds of a million, brilliant colors in my brain. When words fail, your music, KK, speaks volumes to the mind and soul; thank you. Thank you for resonating and flowing in constant service through my heart, mind, and musical soul all these years. Thank you for a half century of precious musical moments, powerful memories, and familial connections within the four generations of our family who play you. May those who encounter your glorious action and rich tones play and sing volumes of musical greatness for generations to come!