Every year at this time (and especially because Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring this year), my hands begin to itch to dig in the dirt, sowing seeds for flowers, herbs, and veggies (and new ideas) to blossom and flourish. While the cold and snow of winter lingers, there’s always hope of a spring that waits to be. Even in the midst of long and dark cold days filled with uncertainty, changes, and daily transitions on a personal level, there are small seeds of promise emerging as the mind processes all that is.
As a little girl, I marveled how seeds and bulbs would surrender themselves in the ground to be used for a greater purpose. Even today, as I find myself uncertain of the next steps in this overwhelming journey with dad, I stubbornly plant myself in order to be used for a greater purpose. After all, Momma herself observed, “when you plant yourself to make a difference, you grow as a person whose harvest will benefit others and, in your unique way, blossom into your own greatness.” (I still marvel when finding her pearls of wisdom jotted down in unusual places, like this little jewel written inside a book cover hidden on dad’s shelf.)
In this daily journey with dad, I’ve come to see firsthand how many days pass in semi-unawareness, a busy oblivion if you will. Ironically, we both find value the mundane and the magical moments, especially when dad is truly present. We both appreciate we are here together and the most important thing we can do in the situation is just show up. Nothing about Alzheimer’s or his journey in it is a straight line…everything curves, dives, turns, and twists. It is filled to the brim with mystery, obstacles, defeats, victories, dead ends, delays, detours, and too many questions. The one thing I’ve come to personally realize is my immediate purpose may not be the ultimate purpose, but it serves as a catalyst to live and share in this time with him. And just like the process all seeds and bulbs go through in order to become all they are destined to become, we each continue to go through a unique process to become and do what we are meant to do at this time and in this place.
With all that’s swirling in 2020 so far, having little seeds of promise helps to refocus my energy and hope in the days ahead. This particular season of winter has not been so pleasant, yet the coming spring is planted in seeds of promise. It’s time to get busy and continue sowing… 🙂